just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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