When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
