DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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