K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
