to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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