i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
