i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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