so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
