All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
