One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
