Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
