so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
