so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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