if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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