shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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