I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
