I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
