I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
wakey wakey hands off snakey
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
