You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
