We're facebook friends in real life
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
