I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize