there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
