only if we run a train.
done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
