Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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