Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
