420 ftw
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
