No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize