You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
