I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
