Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am midnight drunk by noon
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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