the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
