Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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