dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
