My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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