I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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