Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
