woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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