Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
