Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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