Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
