You made me cry and you don't even care
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
