Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
