Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
