nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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