"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
