Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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