Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
