it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
