the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
