He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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