On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
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