Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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