The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
