Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am spending my child support on dildos
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
