I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
