About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
