What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize