i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
