you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
