I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
