I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
