why didn't you poke me back
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
