he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
