I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
