the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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