Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
