you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
