I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
