The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
