His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My pussy is not your playground.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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