May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
